Why do people get divorced? That’s a question that may have stumped many married couples. Divorce has been very much normalized in the past half-century. This year, millions of couples parting ways will unfortunately do so however with insults, arguments, an unwillingness to listen, and intense disagreement. Although some issues can be forgiven, others cannot. We may consider infidelity to be a reason for divorce, but it’s often not the root cause as many marriages overcome adultery like this.
If you’re searching for the top causes of divorce, here are some of the real causes why people get divorced:
Cause #1: Money trouble
Money influences the likelihood of a divorce. If income is low, if there aren’t any savings, or if financial arguments are happening regularly, this could all potentially lead to high levels of dissatisfaction. For younger couples, they are particularly challenged by student debt, high mortgage rates and high rental rates, and other matters. Comparatively, older couples may argue about property, investments, and finances, with each trying to get more power over the relationship’s finances. Overall, having money trouble is often one of the top causes of divorce between couples.
Cause #2: Insecurity
Someone who is insecure can be driven to commit acts to make them feel comfortable or to avoid having to confront their insecurities. Someone who is constantly anxious, experiencing mental health trouble, or who is exhibiting anti-social behaviors may not be someone able to maintain a marriage in the face of troubles. Thankfully, this is something which can be worked on through communication. Unfortunately, some couples cannot overcome their communication barriers and they proceed to a divorce.
Cause #3: Violence
Some partners may have moods that turn violent. You may find a regular conversation turn towards rage within seconds. In many cases, this violence is present before couples even get married. Sadly, this sort of violence is often ignored because you might think your partner can change, one might blame themselves for their partner’s violence, or they may not see it as a problem. Any marriage sustained with violence in it is worth ending and that’s why the vast majority of them always lead towards divorce.
Cause #4: Criticism towards one another
Criticism breeds contempt. When you first met, maybe you thought your partner was overly sarcastic and you loved it. For some, this sort of sarcasm can grow rude and lead into criticism after awhile. With that inevitably comes shouting, defensiveness, and withdrawal from the relationship at an emotional level. As couples drift further apart and are willing to move past unhelpful criticisms of each other, you eventually end up with two completely separate people.
Cause #5: Lack of sexual activity
Some relationships fall into a pattern wherein sex becomes routine, then irregular, and then disappears. There are many reasons why couples don’t have sex, including playing mind games with each other, lack of interest in your partner’s feelings, and more time spent outside the marriage a work, with friends, or cultivating other relationships. Sexual detachment is a major cause of divorce in North America, the UK, and internationally.
Cause #6: Not prioritizing each other
We all get busy. When we do, we sometimes forget we have a relationship to take care of. In moments of stress and tension, it’s common to not want to dedicate time and effort towards a partner who might be causing you to feel negatively about yourself or things. Depending on what’s happening and how involved you are with your marriage, you need to ask yourself if your marriage is worth saving. If it’s not, a divorce is the only step forward.
Cause #7: Narcissism
It might be difficult admit you are a narcissist or that your partner is but self-centeredness is a relationship killer and a huge cause of divorce. At first, a partner may seem exciting, charming, and seductive as a narcissist. In time though, you may begin to see your partner refuse to acknowledge how their behaviour affects you, may exploit or manipulate others for their own gain, dominate you in uncomfortable ways, or be unfaithful. A marriage doesn’t work with narcissism present.
Cause #8: Age and history
Age is a huge determinant in divorce. The history you carry together as a couple, statistically speaking, carries with it a probably of divorce. A marriage is more likely to end in divorce if the wife is two or more years older than her husband; if you or your partner has been previously divorced; if any of your children have been conceived before marriage; if you’ve cohabited with a lover in a prior relationship; or if either partner’s parents have been divorced.
Although not primary, as a secondary cause of divorce, these things can influence the perceived appropriateness of divorce in marriage.
Cause #9: Lack of physical presence
When one spouse is constantly away for work, although this might not be a problem early on in the relationship, this can easily create emotional distance. Anyone in entertainment, sales, the military, trucking, or in industries requiring a lot of travel, they will have to work extra hard to maintain a successful marriage. While we’re away from our spouses, other attractions can develop or we may find ourselves no longer interested in our partners. Eventually, this brings a couple towards starting the process of divorce.